Festivals, Feelings and Femdom

Hey Kinksters,

I think this is the first time in six years that I’ve skipped not one but TWO newsletters. I am fine! I’ve just been off my usual schedule, and I’ve actually had SO much to say that I wanted some time to sit down and write it all down.

 

So since we last spoke . . . (or scroll past for my schedule):

 

I went to/survived the inaugural Daisy Chain festival. Everything great about it was fantastic: $20 million raised for a bunch of organizations; I saw Santigold, Bikini Kill, Doechii, Olivia Rodrigo, Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morissette and Stevie Nicks. I’m still in awe of these iconic performers and how much money was raised to support people in need.

But the logistics of being there were dangerous because of the heat and lack of preparedness, and the logistics of leaving were also dangerous because staff/Irvine PD would not let that happen.

And yet, I saw so many women on social media saying this was the safest and best they had ever felt at a festival. My immediate reaction was, Oh, girlypop. This ain’t it.

And then I checked myself.

Because what upset me so much about the festival was still far better than what women regularly experience at massive outdoor concerts. I just happen to spend a LOT of my life almost exclusively in the company of women.

I recently read Kathleen Hanna’s memoir Rebel Girl. She writes about the beginnings of the Riot Grrrl movement and those first meetings where women simply gathered in a room together. Some started crying because they had never been in a room with only women.

That stopped me in my tracks. I host women-only events. I regularly attend women-only events. Being in spaces filled entirely with women is so normal to me that I had forgotten what a privilege it is to experience that kind of safety and community regularly.

Then last week, I got a last-minute invite to see Bikini Kill at The Wiltern with my ex-girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend (because, lesbians), and was pleasantly surprised to see Alice Bag open for them. I later learned it was Bikini Kill’s final show. Alice Bag was part of the first wave of LA punk, and I also thoroughly enjoyed her memoir, Violence Girl: From East LA Rage to Hollywood Stage, A Chicana Punk Story.

I don’t quite have the words yet for the musical history I just witnessed. I’m not even a big concert person, so seeing all of these women perform within such a short span of time feels especially surreal.

I thought I would check in with you on Friday, but this 9/11 hit me really hard, and I decided to publicly share for the first time where I was that day. I’m really sitting with why it’s hitting so hard this year. I know exactly why.

But I don’t think my weekly newsletters are quite the right home for some of the longer thoughts I want to explore in essay/article form, so I’ll be launching a Substack. I’m excited for this next year to be one where I get back to my writing roots. Writing was my original major in college, long before any of you knew me for all of this.

 

But back to kink.

You know I’m a big fan of voting, and while I hope you’re registered and planning to vote in the midterms, here’s an easy one for you:

 

Excited/intrigued for Locktober?