The new year is always a time for reflection and while I abhor cliche, I can’t help but find myself doing the same damn thing.

I have been a professional dominatrix for over ten years, dungeon owner for over eight – to TWO gorgeous babies! I love both my children equally and sometimes they are both a pain in the ass.

Recently, I have decided to move more into education and teaching classes. I tend to open introductions with, “So who IS Mistress Justine Cross? Well, clearly someone with a liberal arts education.” Ba da dum. I hold degrees in literature and psychology – I planned to go on to graduation school, perhaps teaching at a college level, but I am a Sadist, not a masochist. I had no plans to get into business and an adult industry at that.

I face daily struggles as a business owner, some are unique to the adult industry and some are unique to just that of a business owner, that unless you run your own company, you will never quite understand. I have been thinking lately how far I have come, but has it been far enough?

I always say that the people who have treated me poorly, have never gone on to become more successful, popular or more well-known than me. However, the inverse is also true. Some people that I had the pleasure of meeting and working with many years ago have gone on to be incredibly famous and I am so happy for them. My best example is the Boulet Brothers who used to run Black Unicorn a club event and even showed up to a couple of my parties, are now in the 3rd season of a show called Dragula, a reality show with judges for drag. So while thinking of some of these successes, I am wondering, “Am I doing enough?”

I ran into a friend the other night who was having a hard start to her year, and she asked me, How do you go on? How are people that started around the same time as me doing so well and I’m struggling?

Well first of all, I always like to quote my ex’s stepfather: “All women lie, including your mother.” It’s so hard to tell on the internet who is really thriving unless you can actually have access to their bank account. I have seen several hot AF models on insta, then met them in person to see them drive off in a beat up old car and plead for $ to make rent. But I keep going because I have an amazing support system of my partner, family and friends. Many of my friends are current or former sex workers, or they really do the work to be good allies, just like I show up for them in allyship. My parents support me in what I do and are really proud of what I have accomplished. My partner has been in the scene for over 20 years and is always on my side.

On the surface, things look really great for me – I am successful and happy! But here’s a little secret: Not everything I do works.

I try a million things and you only get to see the successful ones – just like you really only ever hear about the success stories. The first time I taught a BDSM 101 class at Dungeon West, I sold 5 tickets and ONE PERSON showed up. This week, I am teaching 3 classes and they all sold out. The first time I had a queer play party, maybe 30 people showed up. Now I am regularly hosting two play parties that always sell out weeks in advance. I had one dungeon, but now I have to have two -and they are always booked.

But because I am an overacheiver, I have been thinking of what I want.

I want to write a book.

I want to produce a podcast.

I want to produce my own reality tv show.

This website used to have a lot more blog posts, and a few years ago, my website crashed and wasn’t being backed up properly so I lost a lot of those old posts. It’s been on my to do list to slowly add the relevant ones back on this site again – and I am going to do it. I want to get back into writing a weekly blog post about something more substantial than just my tour dates and my latest media appearance. I’ve been inspired a lot by Jade Thunderstorm’s blog and I miss writing! I have two book ideas, but I want to get in the practice of writing these weekly blogs as personal essays and submitting them to publications in prep work for a full book. I want to go on a book tour and thus first I must write the damn thing.

I love telling people what to do and I’m actually quite the expert advice giver, just ask my slave or anyone in a 20′ radius of me. So I want to produce a podcast of me giving advice to you dear listener! It can be BDSM or sex related or not!

Finally, I have been toying with the idea of a reality show. Nothing super dramatic like Jersey Shore but nothing too clinical like the Discover Channel. I am in the early stages but I am working with the people I want to make the show that I want. I have been in Los Angeles for over 10 years and I have been approached several times for BDSM/dominatrix based shows, some I have turned down, others were decent but died. It’s time for my own.

Stay tuned for so much more . . .